no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
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I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
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On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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