What a fucking waste of an outfit
i would punch a child for taco bell
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
