I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
