people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
