i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Your cock deserves a montage
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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