I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
