at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
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The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
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Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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