Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
