If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
