It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
