This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
