He told me they were just razor bumps!
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
