I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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