Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
