Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
