You're completely useless in the revolution.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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