i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
