question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
