I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
