she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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