I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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