Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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