I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
