How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
