omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
