I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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