Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
