who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
