i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
