i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
My feet surprised me
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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