can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
