dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
