Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
