and you said cock pushups were impossible
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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