Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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