My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
