By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
