Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?