I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down