Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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