Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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