Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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