i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
well, you know. whores of a feather.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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