It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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