Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
