I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
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so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
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no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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