I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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