apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
