So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
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