Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
