u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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