Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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