True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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