sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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