Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
