He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
