think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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