you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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