I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
