Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
