just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
