How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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