For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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