my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
