it was like his penis was on wheels.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Im part way to drunk.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
