My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
So squirting runs in the family.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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