i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
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