I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
