I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
