Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
