never play flip cup with pint glasses
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
